HAVE YOU EVER FELT LONELY EVEN BEING WITH SOMEONE? THAT FEELING OF SUFFOCATION WHEN YOU JUST WANT TO CRY YOUR HEART OUT BUT YOU ARE UNABLE BECAUSE OF THE FEAR OF BEING JUDGED?
Few days back, I met with my childhood friend. She is married now with one kid. She was one quite intelligent fellow in studies. Always a topper. She got married at the quite early stage in a good family that makes her a ‘ well settled person’ in the eyes of society.
We were not in contact for many years but then, she found me on facebook after 7 years. I was so excited to see her. I made plan to meet her. I was feeling little awkward because in these years, I’ve lived a different life than her. I was partying, travelling, going in- coming out of silly relationships while she was living a life of being a ‘responsible person’, but that’s the magic of friendship; we were super comfortable. After a long chit-chat and having a ‘nostalgia’ trip to our school days; she suddenly asked me ‘ Sonali, do you feel lonely’? Well, being happily single, I don’t feel lonely anymore. I’m so involved in myself and in my work, that I find happiness in staying alone now. I told her all these things and then suddenly she said, I feel so lonely even being with my husband. I do crazy stuff at times; I text some random people to make him feel jealous. We don’t have topics to share, thus, we fight a lot. These all feelings are quite suffocating and I know, I won’t be able to do anything because we have a kid now. She also added, she feels quite disconnected. ‘Her life looks perfect on Facebook’ but this loneliness is killing her from inside.
This shattering conversation left me quite worried. I came back home and I googled the word ‘Loneliness’, it meant, sadness because one has no friends or company. It is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation and it can be felt even surrounded by people.
I got really confused and quite broken which made me to call our very own, Jasvin Soin ma’am and I fixed an appointment with her.
She told me and widen up my horizons by telling me that at the end of the day, every person is lonely. Being alone and being lonely aren’t the same but loneliness stays with you, no matter how happy you look from outside.
I would like to share the excerpts of that insightful conversation with her, where she is describing in what situations, a person can feel lonely :
- New city, new people, nobody to share : If you have moved to a new place because of new job or for education, where you don’t know anyone then you will start feeling lonely.
- No Sweetheart loneliness : Even if you have lots of friends and family members around, you can still feel lonely because you don’t have the intimate attachment of a romantic partner or may be there is a lack of connection with that partner.
- Not able to love yourself : This situation arises when your close ones are too busy in their own lives and you have no one with whom you can share things, It can leave you feeling ignored and lonely because you won’t be able to love yourself too.
- Broke up with a friend? : Sometimes you get in a situation where you begin to doubt on your friends because of some incidents. you will start thinking, whether your friends are trustworthy or not. If trust is missing then you may feel lonely even if you are having loads of fun with friends.
- When you just lost your pet : Many people get super attached with their pets. They have a deep need to connect with animals. If the pet die then they start feeling lonely.
Cures : Although there is no concrete cure to loneliness but still you can try these measures :
- Don’t compare your life
- Don’t assume anybody’s lives through Facebook or social media sites
- Try to be social and interact with new people
- Give some time to yourself
- Try to keep your expectations low
Thus, it’s okay to feel lonely but don’t think that you are not loved. Loneliness is like a real termite which eats you up from inside thus, don’t give up on things and people, sometimes it takes time to get rid of it but when you start loving yourself then you can actually feel more content and less of lonely.
Well, I have to say that it was a soulful conversation, I hope it will help out the lonely people out there.
& with this conversation, this is Sonali Agarwal signing out.
I shall catch you up with my next blog post soon,
Stay in love with yourself ❤